4 Tips for Letting Go When Your Son Starts Junior Boarding School

After your son starts junior boarding school, you may not hear from him every day. You won’t always be there to make sure he does his homework, tidies up his room, or brushes his teeth.

For a parent, it can be nerve-wracking.

"Yet, while many parents go to great lengths to make sure their sons are ready for the academic and social challenges of junior boarding school, they often neglect to take care of their own anxieties", says Kristin Harris, Ph.D,  school psychologist at The Fessenden School.

“It’s a significant change when a child goes off to junior boarding school,” Kristin says. “Parents don’t always prepare themselves enough.”

Here are four ways to make sure you’re as ready for the junior boarding school experience as your son.

1. Ensure a positive send off for your son.

Everyone in your family should have a say in the junior boarding school decision, especially your son. You’ll feel better about sending him off to school if you know he is on board with the idea and fully understands and expects the change that is about to happen.

“Often, parents feel more burdened when they believe they’ve made the decision independently,” Kristin notes. “Children, in particular, should be involved in that decision to reassure the parents that they’re ready.”

2. ‘Practice’ having your son outside the home.

“If you have never sent your child off to see his cousins for a week or to spend some time at an overnight camp, you might not have as much confidence in having him go off to junior boarding school for a year,” Kristin observes.

Give yourself some time to experience what it’s like to not have your son in your home. Use the opportunity to address whatever moderate anxieties arise then, in preparation for the more significant absence of junior boarding school, Kristin advises.

3. Seek out a community of support.

As the first day of school approaches, it can be comforting to speak with a sibling, a close friend, or your own parents about what it’s like to have a child away from home. There is likely someone in your life who has been through a similar situation and lived to tell the tale — with helpful advice.

“It also helps if you have a community of friends who have children in junior boarding school, so you can swap notes, compare experiences, and talk about the things that upset you—or talk about the things that make you proud,” says Kristin.

4. Keep the lines of communication open.

Communication is not typically a middle school boy’s strong suit. While he’s at school, your son is not always going to go out of his way to let you know how he’s doing, Kristin explains. He’ll be busy; he’ll be forgetful.

“Parents need to trust that things are still going well, and occasionally, it helps to have a check-in point person at the school that you can talk to,” Kristin says.

You should never be reluctant to call a school like Fessenden to inquire about your son. School staff will be more than happy to speak with you.

“I think it’s very important to have those lines of communication open, particularly in the beginning, until you and your son begin to feel more comfortable with the change,” Kristin shares.

Learn to let go.

Trusting your son to go out into the world and try things for himself can be one of the hardest things you ever do as a parent. But it is through trying, failing, picking himself up, and ultimately succeeding that your son will grow into a confident, self-reliant individual.